by Abbigail Gonzalez

Pastor Abbigail Gonzalez

I have found that being adventurous and brave have always been foreign to me. I was never the child that ran into the ocean waves. Instead, I was the child that tip-toed on the edge of the ocean. I watched all the other children jump, laugh, and play with the waves not understanding why such a dangerous activity brought them so much joy. I would, eventually, after much insistence from the other children give in and precariously walk into the ocean deep.

You see, I have always found it easier to observe rather than partake. The wildness of life was too daunting for my heart. I thought that safety was found only in the certainty of firmly planted feet. Little did I know that my firmly planted feet would turn to stone and bind me to fear and mistrust.

One day, as I was driving, a realization hit me. There’s gotta be more to this God thing than what I have lived! I had lived a very religious life until this point, and it was not satisfying to me. I was tired of not knowing God while preaching that I did. I wanted to know him not just know of him! Thus, began a journey I am still on. A journey that has changed my life. A journey that I hope many will join me in.

One day I felt the invitation from Abba to enter deeper into his heart. I felt this wild surge of excitement and apprehension at once. At the moment of receiving His offer, I understood that for most of my life I had camped out in the foyer of His heart. True to my M.O this was what I had considered the safest place to be.

I was in but not in over my head. I was safe. But I could feel the wildness of His love calling me deeper.
Should I respond? Should I stay where I have always been safe? Is He trustworthy? Will I survive this adventure? What will I discover? Is this worth losing my safety net? These and many other questions ran through my mind, and I could feel myself being pulled by two distinct forces: Desire & Fear.

I gave in, dear reader!

For the first time in my life, I jumped into an adventure. I counted the cost and found it worth paying. The sweet and constant sound of His voice calling me deeper broke down every wall of fear and mistrust that I had erected. Oh, how my spirit soared and found healing in the wildness of His heart.

I have discovered depths I never knew possible. Hills to run, laugh and play in. I have learned that He is totally worth the cost. I have never been so vulnerable before Him and yet felt completely covered and loved. There are many moments where the old Abigail wants to take control and run out of the depths of His longing for me, but I am finally firmly planted in Love. It is impossible to abandon love once you’ve known it.

Many moments I have found myself in His heart and I sit in awe of who He is. The depths of Him no man can fathom. He invites us to run into Him. He opens the door of His heart wide open for us. There is nothing that He is willing to conceal from us. His invitation is for the young and the old. Come find refuge in His love. If you are weary, you will find rest in His pasture. If you are hungry and thirsty and have no money to buy come into His heart. There you will find that He satisfies your deepest longing. You will taste and see that He is so good. Every good and perfect thing comes from His heart, from His love. There are untold adventures to be had in the depths of His wilderness. Joys unknown await those who will jump into the fullness of Him.

I often find myself strolling the gardens of His heart and realized that He has been holding my hand the entire time. Sharing with me secrets from His heart. Teaching me what true love is. Instructing me on who He created me to be. Allowing me to trade in my past for His dreams and future. There has been this great exchange that occurred the moment I said yes to the call of the wild. Now, He satisfies desires in me I did not know existed. He has wooed me, and I have completely fallen for Him.

For me, it is just the beginning. There is much more to be learned, to be experienced, to be lived. However, I will no longer be satisfied watching from the edge of the ocean. If you come looking for Abigail, you will find her somewhere lost in the wildness of the Father’s heart. I hope you will come and join us there. I promise it is worth the cost.